To Mother

Dear Mommy Dearest,

The soap bar is in my mouth. I won't say a ______ word that can't be said in front of Bro. Charles or Nannie. I regret the sailor who sails in the high seas of my breath and subjugates me to his _____ way of language. My mouth is foaming, ___ bubbles running down my chin and neck, soaking my mexican moo moo (from Abbey) as we speak. Excuse me, as I speak. The sailor has left the room and the mouse in my pocket scabbered away to a more vile and accepting pocket of life. I will miss my friends -- the ones who so creatively created self-expressing lingo; the ones who took words of no value and defaced them and perverted them in a way that made juveniles laugh and brittle-minded suburbanites cringe. But they were, and are and are to come and I'll be ____ if I ever forget them. I'll pass them on my siblings and children, singing cursed words in foreign and domestic languages in a sugary-sweet-rocking-chair-voice. These words have been imbedded in my mind like a parasite, and unlike another parasite Ive had, this one probably wont leave from my ____. Like blink-182, the lyrics of perversion will linger in my mind and present themselves at the most inopportune moment. For now, however, I think ive done well. What do you think, mom? Arent I an angel? :) ___ yeah I am!

I love you (seriously) with my whole heart.

Santa Alyssa


  1. This is the only blog I have ever/and probably will ever read.... Alyssa COME HOME!

  2. What can a mom say except , YOU ARE FULL OF IT!!!!!!!!! I love you dearly. I am writing this after I get back on the chair I fell off while laughing my___ off. See if I tell you not to curse again.